You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
