One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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