So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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