ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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