don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
