I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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