We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize