Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
