Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
