I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
