remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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