My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We have started to decorate penises.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
last night I used snow as a chaser
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
