my being single is dangerous.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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