He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
