chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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