Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
