i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
