"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
