you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
