i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
