I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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