Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
