Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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