highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
