Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
