Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I supernannyed him into submission
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
