I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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