Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
