sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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