Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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