it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
