dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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