when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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