I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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