He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
