its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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