So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize