I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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