oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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