You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize