i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
