Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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