I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
