you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
