ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had to cum in my sink.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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