I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Shame - the story of my life.
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