I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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