party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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