she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
