Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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