so that wasnt chicken after all
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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