Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
