The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
