I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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