I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
