You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was confusing and full of hummus
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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