i jhust puked up my retainher.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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