Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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