I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
