i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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