Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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