I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
