i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
