that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
