this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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