when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
