I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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