so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
